Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
