i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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