I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Alive.
So much puke
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
