Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
