sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
