So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
