Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
