Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
