she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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