from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
