So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
