whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
