im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
