Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
