My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
