woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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