im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
