Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
