What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
