I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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