i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
