His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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