Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
