She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
