The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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