I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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