So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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