He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
