dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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