I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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