I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why do cheetos always look like penises
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't put those talents on a resume
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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