Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
