If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
