It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
