That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
