In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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