God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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