I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
