I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
