so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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