i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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