So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
