i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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