9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
