Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do vagina's smell?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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