This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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