just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
