The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
and you fell through a lawn chair
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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