1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
