Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
