I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
