last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
