garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
