I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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