I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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