Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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