Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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