She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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