No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
