I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Are we still banned from the library?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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