i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
