Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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