I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
farters have to be the big spoon...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
