He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
