Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
