i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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