who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
