this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize