battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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