I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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