sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
