I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize