Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
